I'm All Shook Up. I want to Shout, but they don't give a Do Wah Diddy. Maybe Peggie Sue will Stand By Me and help me eliminate the Tears on My Pillow.

Sure, you can try to get 1620 or 590 out of Omaha. There's Husker Sports Network out of Gretna, but they aren't going to tease Cub fans or get into criticism of anything Husker.

So Lincoln doesn't have somebody to talk about Gilbert Arenas' gun charges and suspension, Tiger Woods' sex addiction, NASCAR maybe going to New Jersey or Tim Tebow and the anti-abortion Super Bowl ad.

I Heard It Through the Grapevine that Time Has Come Today and Only the Lonely can find Satisfaction in The Still of the Night with The Sound of Silence on sports talk in Lincoln.

There is no local comment on the fact that six of the top 16 pairs in ice skating competition have changed countries since they started. And what about the ruling that Andre Dawson must wear his Expos stuff instead of the Cubs stuff he prefers.

Suspicious Minds know It's Now or Never and that Big Girls Don't Cry but we just can't Let It Be.

There is a Hunk of Burning Love on the Long and Winding Road to the Precious and Few sports talk radio stations in Lincoln.

Hilo, Hawaii; all the major cities; Bismarck-Mandan, N.D.; Shreveport, La.; more than 75 stations in Texas; and more than 50 in California have sports talk radio 24 hours a day.

Do we have to shed 96 Tears or the Tears of a Clown to put Old Time Rock and Rock back on the shelf to hear Rome doing his Yackity Yak?

Every hour of every day, sports fans get the Sports Animal, the Sports Zone, the Sports Monster, Mike and Mike, the Herd, Unnecessary Roughness, The Team, The Fan, The Buzz, Sports Xtra, The Ticket, The Sports Hub, The Game, The Franchise and Supersports.

We can wait for Ebb Tide and look at the Harbor Lights while Sitting at the Dock of the Bay to find a Town Without Pity and a town without sports talk.

If you don't have the money to buy a station and you can't get sports talk on the radio, I guess you could start reading the sports pages out loud, or even this column. Get a friend to loudly announce that you should shut up and you're on your way to imitating sports talk radio.

Remember, you must throw in caller teases: Who is the best in the NFL to reach the top, hit bottom and reach the top again (Hint: Kurt Warner). Name the best 10 quarterbacks for the Bears in the last 10 years. And, of course, talk about college football recruits the same way you talk about NFL draft picks. We'll start with a show starring Adrian Fiala and Jason Peter. ...

There's a Whole Lot Of Shakin on this Eve of Destruction and we'll Come Together if we Ain't Too Proud To Beg for sports talk radio to return. Then we'll be Glad All Over.