Outside of kickoffs that bounce or sail out of play, nothing that occurs in a football game occurs all by itself.

Saturday on ABC/ESPN, Matt Millen might have pointed out that two path-clearing blocks, right up the middle, were responsible for springing Cincinnati's Mardy Gilyard for a 99-yard kickoff return. Instead, Millen said this of Gilyard:

"He just said [to himself], 'Listen, we're down [31-10 to Pitt], so I'm just gonna take the whole team and put it on my shoulders.' And he carried them 100 yards!"

That was just a pile of try-to-sound-slick nonsense.

Not too long after that, a graphic early in CBS's Alabama-Florida tried to tell us similar garbage. It showed that 'Bama QB Greg McElroy had suffered a midseason slump, based on impressive numbers -- TD passes, pass completion percentage -- in the season's first four games. Fer crying out loud, Bama's first four games included a 53-7 win over North Texas and a 40-14 win over Florida International.

With the Falcons looking at fourth and goal from the three, yesterday, Fox's Moose Johnston told us that Atlanta's 11-for-13 on fourth downs. Hey, at that rate, why don't they go for it every time?

Why even bother confusing the issue with such a stat?

But the level of understanding football, especially as demonstrated to TV audiences, hovers somewhere between very low and pathetic.

Good Fox, bad Fox

Nice catch by Fox in yesterday's pregame -- on-field video of Michael Vick, returned to Atlanta with the Eagles, embracing his former boss, Fal cons' owner Arthur Blank. ...

But Fox stuck New York with that entire Philly blowout of the Falcons. Only after the game ended did Fox cut to undefeated New Orleans being beaten, at the time, by the 3-8 Skins.

Could it be that Fox -- its parent company owns DirecTV -- was looking to protect/sell DirecTV's Sunday NFL out-of-market package? ...

With the half over, a Cowboys-Giants fight was seen starting.

Fox's Joe Buck mentioned it, trying to return Fox's attention to the field. Too late. Fox was locked into a lengthy tape package loaded with showboating scenes. ...

Fox telecasts with Tony Siragusa working from the field are like trying to watch a game while a guy watching the same game hollers at you from another room.

Say what?

After Tim Tebow threw a 22-yard completion in the fourth quarter of 'Bama-UF on Saturday, CBS's Gary Danielson hollered this:

"You literally have to cut the head off the snake!"

Er, ah, yes. Thanks, Gary. We'll try to remember that.

Oh, and by the way ...

Yesterday's NFL Network commercials for Steelers- Browns, Thursday, included a clip of a helmet-first hit.

Hey, there are thousands to choose from!

*Matt Millen, during Thursday's Jets-Bills NFL Network telecast, declared that, "The Jets are running the crap out of the ball, here tonight." Reader Guy Kipp wonders: "You think Vin Scully ever said, 'Sandy Koufax is throwing the crap out of the baseball, tonight' "?

*With Comcast buying NBC, reader Larry Donargo asks, "How long before Comcast cable systems announce that they have to remove CBS, Fox and ABC because they've become too expensive to carry without adding an extra cost to each subscriber?"

*The Anything Worth Doing Is Worth Overdoing Claim of the Week: An ABC "Good Morning America" profile, Friday, on Mrs. Tiger Woods, began with this tease: "Tiger Woods' wife: So intensely private that she's called 'the Greta Garbo of golf'." That's fabricated nonsense.

*After the Nets won their first, Friday, YES's Jessica Taff interviewed Courtney Lee, who'd scored 27. Asked if this is the start of a new and different kind of streak, Lee said, "Yes, we're 1-0, right now." Taff then sent it back to Marv Albert, who gave it the bemused Marv Albert grunt, then said, "Well, 1-0 in Courtney's mind. But in the standings it's 1-18."

*The Strained Quality of Mercy College Basketball Game of the Weekend: Gwynedd-Mercy 95, Philadelphia Bible 40.

*You Read It Here First: Knowing how the Mets roll, Brian Schneider will have at least one game-winning hit for the Phils against the Mets. And probably two. ... Think we'll hear a lot of Tiger Woods jokes out of David Letterman?