Bring back Jordan Smith.

Relax, it's not like I mean it, even now. But just the fact it even crossed my mind should tell you how bad the Brown's Bozos show is since Jordan was fired Monday for his vulgar comments about LaDainian Tomlinson.

When Jordan and Earl were poisoning the airwaves for four hours every weekday, the screaming made it literally painful to listen. With the new Bozos – Earl, Hal “Hammer” Brown, aka the Worst Update Person Ever, and Ted Mendenhall – it's painful for another reason.

Here's a hint: Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

There is nothing interesting about the show. Little personality, no insight, even less creativity. I turned it on yesterday and heard Earl say, “Hammer had a great idea yesterday.” This, I figured, I had to hear.

So here it was: Call in and tell the Bozos “what major sports event happened and you missed it.”

That's a great idea? Really? I'm going to stay tuned so I can hear how Sam in San Marcos missed Steve Garvey's famous homer in 1984 because he was, I don't know, at the store?

Pity the poor East Coast guy who called yesterday because he said it's “hard to get some straight facts about the Chargers” where he lives. So he called the Bozos? He sounded like he knew more about the team than any of the hosts except Mendenhall, who does appear to have some sports knowledge; he's just not suited for the afternoon time period. Of course, Earl and the W.U.P.E. aren't suited for any time period.

Earl proved that yet again Tuesday with his blathering about how the United States “didn't come to play” in a World Baseball Classic game in which they were winning. He called them “the lazy Americans” and said they “were done with this (WBC) before it even started.” Interesting take, considering the Americans' winning record and upcoming appearance in the semifinals.

“Hammer” said Monday during his on-air “press conference” – which consisted of four questions from me and then comments from callers – that everything at the station is judged by ratings. The problem is if you don't have quality, in the end you won't have ratings. People might check you out now out of curiosity, but if you're not any good, they'll go away.

“A station needs to have differences to it,” Brown said. “We don't ask that everybody drink out of the same cup.”

I'd have to spend an entire summer in Death Valley deprived of water before I'd drink out of this cup.